Change: part 1

Reforming relationships

There are two types of change. There is gradual change, like a river eroding the valley it runs through, and there is abrupt change, like a sizzling pan placed under frigid running water. In 2022, my self-proclaimed year of change, I have felt both in multitudes.

One of the most significant transitions I have experienced over the last 4 years is in regard to my perception of change itself. I used to be someone who was hesitant and, at times, fearful of circumstances and people changing. Because of that fear, I desperately tried to cling onto memories and people who made me feel happy and loved. The problem with this approach is that it sets you up for disappointment. For instance, say you had a very close friend for a few years, and then life ends up taking you both in different directions. Naturally, as you both start to prioritize and focus on different things, it becomes difficult to remain as involved in each others lives. If you eventually reconnect with that friend a year or two later and expect your dynamic to remain unchanged, you will inevitably be disappointed by how different the reality is. Time changes people, and this was a harsh truth I was in denial of for a long time.

Being stuck in the past also held me back from engaging more meaningfully in the present. However, living through a global pandemic kick-started this perspective shift for me. Since I was taking classes from home during my junior year, I attempted to make the most out of my time in Pittsburgh during my senior year. So, I focused more intently on grasping the present, while letting the past flow without getting stuck in it. Part of this process of letting go included accepting that everyone around me has also changed in the past few years. Instead of expecting my friends to be the same people they were 4 years ago, I can cherish the memories we shared, while simultaneously creating new ones with the versions of ourselves that we are right now. In this manner, we can honor every version of each other, past and present, without fear of what the future will hold. I can now confidently say that the prospect of change is something that excites me and one that I wholeheartedly look forward to.

In my opinion, the most significant reason why I have been able to accept this reality of change is because I genuinely like the person I am becoming more than the person I used to be. Although change is not linear and does not look the same for everyone, I like to think that most of us are constantly working to become more aligned with the type of person we aspire to be. Changes like that occur with small steps taken consistently over long periods of time. After recognizing the fact that we are all continuously learning, growing, and changing for the better, expecting someone to remain the same person they were years ago means that you are denying their truth of the present. Instead, we can focus on reforming our relationships, since they are capable of evolving and becoming better versions of what they used to be. I hope to continue remembering the past fondly, honoring and appreciating the people around me for who they are in the present, and leaning into the change that the future brings. After all, change is the only constant.